The Thaw and then The Flood
by JadeEmotion
Summary: These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again if you only try turning around. Hatori has discovered this truth.. what will he do? Read and find out. Oneshot, as of now.. may be added onto in the future if readers demand more. Please revie


_Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, though like many, I wish I did. This is a one-shot fic written from Hatori's_ _point of view. Hope you enjoy!_

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Even now, I can feel her. She flows through my veins cold and thick, frozen in bittersweet reverie. I wasn't always like this, they tell me.. Shigure and Ayame, that is. They tell me that not once, but twice I was happy, and even Akito as noted that I'm not half the man I used to be. Somehow, I find a bitter irony in those words whenever he reminds me. Still, I can't help but remember..

.. what Spring felt like. But Spring wasn't enough..

The window of my study is open, I can see the leaves dancing in their sorrow, falling to the ground like the wounded and dying. Born in Spring, they thrived in Summer, and soon fell into the wake of Fall.. the cold, crisp reality of something much too deep, something that drew the life from them and tossed them aside to meet their ends. Each descend to the ground, not because of the change of the seasons, but to remind me of my mistakes, my regrets..and all that could have been. All I could have saved.. but it's too late for that now, isn't it? Soon, there will be nothing left to regret, and I'll go about life as I always have.. only, without her. Completely. While the loss of one so dear to me has been handled once in the past.. to have to go through it again, it's something I simply cannot take. In order to go on, there's something I must do. I know my duty..

Summer came to me so recently, melting the casing of ice around this heart of mine.. sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream. Still, I awake every morning with this same void.. one which had been filled, however briefly it may have been.

_"You don't deserve it, Hatori.."_

In horror, I watched the small bird's mouth open in a silent plea.. and then it was over. It took all I had to not loosen my tie so that I could manage to swallow the lump in my throat.

_"What is it that I don't deserve?"_

Feathers fell to the ground, individually plucked from their owner. He chose one specific feather from the wing and smirked.. that twisted, heartless smile of his that could bring snow to the warmest of days.

_"Give me your arm.."_

As Akito is head of the family, I knew I had to comply. Not once did I utter a sound when he gave me his answer.. when he let me know _exactly _what he knew, what he would not allow to come to pass. His laugh still echoes in my ears.. it almost makes me wonder what expression I held when he gave his silent reply.

_"Summer."_

That word will forever haunt me, a scar both psychological and physical, carved into my flesh with a make-shift quill. It's been two weeks since I'd spoken to Akito.. two weeks since the last time I've seen her smile. _She _will forever haunt me, my Summer.

They've come to visit me from time to time.. Shigure and Ayame. It's strange to see them so somber, worried.. scared as they are. Every now and then a smile will flicker between the two of them, small tribute to the way things were before all of this took place. If I could force myself to smile, I would.. even though no one would have ever guessed it, I found their antics amusing. The simple truth of the matter was that at least one out of the three of us had to be the adult of our group. As I have always been the one to look over Akito, it naturally came down to me.. still, I was once able to find the strength to laugh at them from time to time. Those days, however, are gone.. I can barely look at the two of them anymore.. not without falling into the past. Gentle words and soft laugher, a smile so genuine I often wondered how I could be the cause of something to beautiful, and why it came to me in the first place. My sour disposition, my scars, the traces of grey that now are becoming so evident.. my position, the curse. These are all things that I would think would drive a normal woman away, but not her.. not that smile. The smile I'm told I don't deserve. Through everything, she was always the light to guide me, and I was too ignorant of her grace, her will.. I was simply too stubborn to let myself be enveloped by it. Still, I fell.. it happened slowly, over the course of the years. The kind words, her melodic voice, the smiles that lit up any room she entered..eyes so full of wonderment and depth that they could put the evening sky to shame with their beauty. It could never truly be, could it? My ignorance, my sheer resolve to believe that something so wonderful would never come to me.. and now, after the fact.. it simply will not let me forget. Everything I look at reminds me of her face.. no matter how hard I try, I can't rid myself of her.. her scent, her smile, her warmth, her taste, her love.. these memories only serve to torture me.

My eyes fix on a single leaf floating in the air, spiraling upward further and further until it is seen no more.. running away from its destiny, I wonder?

.. Perhaps two can play at that game..

A choice has to be made, I told her to come to me today.. it has to be done, as much as I can't stomach the thought, I have to let her go.. I have to let her go before she becomes Spring. My fist clenches and lashes out, striking the desk..the skin breaks, dripping blood onto my work. I don't have it in me to care anymore.. nothing can hurt as much as this, can it? Nothing.. The bitter laugh that parts my lips is foreign, nothing at all like myself. Oh God, what have I become? What have I done! If Akito were to do anything to her, I could never forgive myself.. but she is strong, resilient, and her flame will never be extinguished. She will move on and be happy, and I..

.. what becomes of me doesn't matter.

Footsteps and a timid knock on my door, I can feel my heart leap into my throat. This burden is not hers, it's mine alone, yet the voice on the other side whispers..

_"If I were to forget about us, about everything.. I don't know how I could go on.. it would leave me with nothing..I would be empty.. Hatori, please."_

The break in her voice, a small sob of anguish...God, I can still remember the taste of her tears! It's taking everything I hold within not to just clutch my hair and scream..everything I have to be strong.. for her.

_"Everything is going to be okay now, I promise you.. I'll never leave you. You will move on from this, and you will be happy.. it may not be today, but one of these days. You deserve only the best, and I can't give you that.. I can't give you the fairytale ending you deserve." .. _My own voice has finally broken.. _"But.." _The realization has blindsided me.. I will not.. I cannot erase her memories, I can't take that light from her eyes.. but if something isn't done, she will be harmed.. My hand moves to the rice paper between us, pressing against it. _" I can let you remember what we had.. I can show you just how much I love you. Never forget that, even if you can't see it anymore.."_

A delicate hand rests against the rice paper opposite of mine, I can feel the tears streaking down my face.. but I can't let her see me like this.._ "Hatori.. .. Hatori, no! Please.. you could get hurt.. please.."_

_"It is what has to be done.." _For a moment, all I can hear are hushed sobs..the warmth of her hand resonates through the thin paper and spreads through me, starting at my fingertips and willing the blood to keep flowing through my veins. .. A small whimper from her lips lets me know that she knows this is the only way.

_"I will always love you, Souma Hatori.. please.. let me stay until its done." _Her voice is weak now, but I have faith that it will hold its luster again one of these days.

_" You know I can't.. I won't let you see me like I saw Kana that last time.. its haunting. All I ask is that you remember the best.. remember how I loved you. Keep smiling for me, always." _I close my eyes and try to focus, it's hard with her so near..

_"Always.. I promise..Hatori.. I promise.." _The sound of her movement..I know she wants to run, not to see the flash and stand there as I did with Kana, in the moment of painful reality. .. I will set her free..

A harsh whisper parts my lips, my throat is so tense I can scarcely speak.. But I have to tell her one last time.. just one.. last.. time. _"I could never thank you enough for what you've given me, Honda Tohru.. as long as I can still see your smiling face every day, I know things will be okay. .. I love you.." _Her scent.. I can still smell it, even with the wall between us.. one last time, I breathe her in. _"Run..Tohru.. you don't need to see this."_

The moments ticked away.. she was gone.. and I would never remember anything that had happened between us. My hand lifts now to my forehead.. soon it will be over, but she will smile again, I know it.. and I'll see it, even if I don't know why, seeing her smile every day will keep me at peace..  
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"Goodbye.. my Summer."_

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_Please review this piece, as it is my first shot at fanfiction. Flames are completely welcome. 3 _


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